The Horrors and Pleasures of the Dentist
by Lady Cassandra
Summary: When Kagome finds out something she never wanted to know about Hojo, she does the only thing a girl can do, Hitchike! Inuyasha picks her up along the road. Uh-oh... Who's my new dentist? (Summary sucks, story doesn't ^_^) PG13 for Kagome's awful English.


Disclaimer: I do not own anything but this pitiful plot, my Betsy (she's my grand old computer... that's a girl...), and a few Cheez-its. Would you like my Cheez-its? You big bully... :'(  
  
  
This is my first ever Inuyasha fic, so be kind! I hardly know the plot, so this'll just have to be an A/U until I can buy all the videos. (Or, like the cheapskate I am, tape all the edited versions off of 'Adult Swim' on Cartoon Network...^_^) Please review, and tell me who the next POV should be, or if I should just do it from the author's POV. Thank you!  
  
  
The Horrors and Pleasures of the Dentist  
Chapter 1  
  
  
Dentist. That should be a curse word. It should be illegal to talk to, see, hear from, date, secretly adore, or, perhaps the most important crime, BE a dentist. They should not exist. They should be shot (in the foot or in the eye, your pick), maimed, tortured, elecrocuted in a lake, and skinned alive. Wait, on second thought....  
  
That would be too good for them.  
  
Kagome hated dentists. She hated them with a passion. Dentists were there to make your life a living hell. They had no other purpose. "Floss once a day, EVERY DAY. Brush three times a day, even if you're on an important date, or at school, or on a date, or visiting your yucky relatives, or on a date, or lounging by the pool, or on a date... Did she mention she hated flossing too?   
  
And when you didn't floss, it was like they KNEW. Automatically. It was weird. Really, really, weird. It was this knowledge that made Kagome lose her second boyfriend.   
  
*FLASHBACK*  
  
"Oh Hojo darling!" Kagome called from the changing rooms at the local pool.  
  
"Yes sweet?" He answered. His voice was a bit muffled, but she blamed that on the concrete walls. Which, by the way, she could have sworn she saw a hole in..... Wait. Was that a flash of black hair she saw? No, it couldn't be....  
  
She groaned as a violet eye popped up where the hair had been. *I KNEW there was a hole!*  
  
She triumphantly marched over to the offending hole, towel secured snugly around her essentials. One deep breath later, and she was ready to rumble.  
  
"MIROKU PRIEST!! GET YOUR GODDAMN EYES OUT OF THE LADIES' CHANGING ROOM AND FILL UP THAT FUCKING HOLE!!!"  
  
A startled "Sango?! I thought you were back by the pool?!" came from the now-filled hole. Boy, he could move fast when he wanted to.... But she wasn't done with him yet. Huh, he thought she was Sango....This could be fun.   
  
"Yes Sango you sonofabitch! Get back here so I can dig your eyes out with a spork!"  
  
"NNNNOOOOO!!! My beautiful eyes!! Please Sango, take pity on meeee!!! SANGOOOO!!!"  
  
*BANG!*  
  
"Sango? But I thought you were....."  
  
"Save it buddy. If you think for one minute I'll buy your "I-thought-you-were-Pamela-Anderson" story again you've got another thing comin'.." Kagome's boomerang-wielding friend growled.  
  
The trouble-maker herself just giggled and listened intently to the sound of a pissed off Sango and a simple splash from Miroku. Maybe she should act like Sango more often...  
  
After the screaming died down, she figured it was safe to go on with what she had been doing.   
  
"This is the way we floss our teeth, floss our teeth, floss our teeth. This is the way we floss our teeth, by the pool where our friends are murdered!" Keh. No one (not even the evil dentist-lady) had ever said she couldn't amuse herself while she flossed. She normally wouldn't bother, but she had just gotten her first cavity filled, and it had not been fun. She's be damned if she was going to get another one, and this was the only way to stop the little bastards. Besides, Hojo likes shiny teeth....  
  
Don't ask.  
  
Hummmm, speaking of Hojo. Maybe she should go check on him now. Kagome gave her teeth one careful goodbye rub, shining them to perfection, before walking outside, whistling the tune she would sing when she chopped off her dentists head.  
  
"How d'ya like me now, Hojo darl.... ING?!!"  
  
The cause of her surprise looked up at her innocently. Unfortunately for him, it's kind of hard to look innocent when another guy is practically glued to your mouth. He almost pulled it off, though. She had to give credit where credit is due, but...  
  
That was just NASTY!!  
  
Kagome's brain shut down for a minute, so she tried to process rational thought without it.   
  
*O.k, a guy is on his neck. He's cheating on me. Dating handbook rule #1: When they cheat on you, dump 'em like a sack of potatoes. Unfortunately, Hojo is cheating on me with a guy, and he IS a guy, so that's just wrong. What now? Damnit! A guy is sucking on my BOYfriend's neck like a vampire, and all I can do is sit here and stare?! DO something, Kagome!"  
  
While this intelligent and highly advanced discussion was going on inside Kagome's boggled mind, a fairly large crowd had gathered to watch. The mothers were finding it hard to cover all the children's eyes at once, and those who had an extra hand leant it to the poor mother beside them with three kids and not enough limbs. Sango, who was in the process of helping a hysterical mother with nine children, snapped Kagome out of her stupidified trance with a well-placed kick to the shins and a whispered, "Do something! Stop them... You're his girlfriend, right?"  
  
This made her anger boil like nothing else could. She was his GIRLfriend, damnit! While they hadn't ever kissed or anything, the title was enough. This had to stop now! She was going to give him a piece of her mind...   
  
Funny how things never go like you plan them.  
  
"Hojo!" She screamed. Kagome was shocked to hear the tears in her own voice. It wasn't supposed to be this way! They were perfect together, why did he have to be gay?  
  
She wrenched his class ring off of her finger as the salty rivers broke free from their dams and ran down her face freely. "There! Maybe you should give it to your new boyfriend. I'm sure he'd like it as much as I did!"  
  
With that last retort she spun on her heel to grab her duffel bag, ignoring the pain in her foot from the rough concrete as she did so. Her friends tried desprately to stop her, but to no avail. She was dead to the world.   
  
When she ran out onto the highway her senses came back to her enough to let her put on a T-shirt and a pair of short shorts. She wasn't going to hitchhike. After all, her home was only about a mile from the pool. She had walked more than that before. Much more. The passerby had other ideas, though.   
  
Especially the male passerby.   
  
She groaned as she got her 500th honk and the usual, "Hey babe!" Maybe she should have taken the time to put on a pair of jeans instead...  
  
Kagome jumped as a car that had just passed in front of her screeched to a stop on the road ahead of her. The fancy Lexus didn't look like it was going anywhere, and neither did its owner. She sighed at her horrible luck as she saw an obvious man get out of the car with a flash of white hair. Now she was going to have to fend off an old pervert on top of everything else that had happened to her today. Things could NOT get worse.   
  
They COULD get better, though...  
  
"Miss? I don't think you snould be out here alone. Can I take you where you need to go? I'd be glad to help."   
  
Kagome barely registered the fact that his voice was too smooth and sexy to belong to an old man. *Aw hell. Even if he is a hot young guy, I've had enough with guys today. Maybe HE'S gay too.*  
  
She ambled along slowly, walking past the car and its worried occupant. He didn't seem to want to walk after her, though, so she thought she was safe. So she thought.  
  
He simply hopped back in his car and followed after her at about 2 miles per hour. This guy wasn't going to be shaken too easily. "Miss? Are you alright? Look, I don't want to waste my shoe leather following you, but I've got two hours worth of a lunch break and a full tank of gas. I'm not leaving without you in this car. It's not safe for you to be out here alone."  
  
Her eyebrows shot up into her bangs as she looked at all the angry drivers behind him flipping their birds and shouting their death threats. He was going to get himself killed! Well, she really wouldn't like to walk anymore....And he was kinda cute....  
  
Kagome hopped in the leather seat and growled three simple words that everyone wants to hear.  
  
"Drive or die."  
  
*A Few Minutes Later*  
  
"There's my house. The big one up there."  
  
"O.k, great. Now," Said her hunky savior, "I think you have some explaning to do."  
  
"Wha?..."  
  
He chuckled at her shocked expression. "What was a beautiful girl like you doing out there on the highway?"  
  
"Oh," she grumbled, "That's a simple one. I just found out my now ex-boyfriend is seriously gay in the worst way possible. He probably only went out with me for my shiny teeth..."  
  
He made a strange strangled noise in the back of his throat and sprayed the coffee he was previously drinking all over his expensive dashboard. "WHAT?"  
  
"He. Was. Sucking. Face. With. A Guy."  
  
"That's reason enough, I guess."  
  
"I thought so. I wasn't about to go home with him after that."  
  
"I wouldn't have either." He said from his hunched over position, trying to clean the coffee from his precious. "Ummm, for obvious reasons."  
  
Kagome thought this had gone on long enough. He was missing his lunch break, after all. "Anyway, thanks for the ride. My name's Kagome. by the way. You have a nice car."  
  
"Anytime. Stay away from that guy for a while, o.k? He sounds weird..."   
  
"You don't have to tell me twice."  
  
The comfortable silence between them while he struggled with the scorching hot coffee allowed her to observe her knight-in-shining-Lexus a bit better. He was hot, she had to admit. White hair, and loooong. Really unusual for a guy, but it just seemed to add to his mystery. And, what kind of eyes.....?  
  
GOLDEN EYES?!  
  
Oh well, they were gorgeous too. And they seemed to fit him somehow. Wonder if they're colored contacts? He's got a nice bod too. Not too bulky, but not like a twig either. This guy was perfect. Too bad he was probably taken anyway... Ugh, maybe it was better if she left before she drooled.  
  
"Thanks again. Sorry if I made you miss your lunch break."  
  
He looked up, startled, before he recognized her, his expression slipping into a small smirk. "No prob. You could invite me in, though. It would be the least you could do, and it would be YOUR pleasure to let me in, I'm sure." His eyes held a sparkling challenge, and...laughter?!  
  
Who did this guy think he was?! God's gift to mankind? Grrr.... He picked the wrong day to mess with the heart of Kagome Higurashi. She was NOT in the mood to be played with.  
  
"Go fuck a duck, Mr. I'm-so-high-on-myself."  
  
With her last brilliant comment and a very mature raspberry blown at her prince-turned-frog she proceded to stomp to her door.  
  
"Oh Kagooomeee..." He sing-songed.  
  
"What?" She growled, dangerously quiet.  
  
"You forgot your bag."  
  
*DAMNIT! Why can't I ever make a good exit?!*  
  
She stomped back over to pick up her stupid luggage, mumbling words that would make Sango blush. "Give me that."  
  
"Sure."   
  
She stomped once again back to her door, before being stopped by an all-too-familiar voice.   
  
"And Kagome?"  
  
The dark-haired teen whirled around, murder in her brown eyes. "Yes, asshole?" She muttered through gritted teeth.  
  
He smirked, mocking laughter still present in his amber eyes."As a dental professional, I feel compelled to tell you. You really shouldn't leave floss inbetween your teeth for long periode of time like that. It might hurt your gums."  
  
With this last cryptic response he sped away, leaving Kagome with only her confused thoughts and the screetch of rubber embedded in her ears.  
  
"Floss? What floss? I don't know what he meant by floss..."  
  
At the last 's' she felt something tickle her bottom lip. Thinking it was a stray hair, she brushed it aside. It fell softly to the ground. *AHHH!! I'm going bald!!*  
  
But wait, something was wrong with this picture. She bent down to pick up the offending hair and reassure herself she wasn't really going bald. What she found was much worse than baldness, or even a hairy moustache, or a pig that had fallen from the sky, or....  
  
It was a piece of dental floss.  
  
*Oh shit.*  
  
*END FLASHBACK*  
  
O.k, o.k, so the floss didn't REALLY make her lose her boyfriend, but standing there arguing with your gay now-ex-boyfriend and then arguing with a REALLY hot guy with a piece of dental floss between your front two teeth was pretty embarassing. And now she was back, at the center of hell, to see about another tooth cleaning. Hey, even though she wasn't dating Hojo anymore it still paid off ot have her teeth shiny!  
  
  
The only fact that could console her from the eminant dentist's office with the squeeky chairs and people who could see up your nose while they looked into your mouth was that her dentist had been changed. No more mean old Ms. Yura! That was enough to make her day....  
  
Never underestimate the power of fate.  
  
"Kagome? The doctor will see you now.."  
  
Why do they call them doctors? They're dentists, not life-saving soap opera wannabe's! That makes me so mad....  
  
"Hello Kagom....Aiee!"  
  
"Dr. Inuyasha?" 


End file.
